Let Me Shove My Sexuality Down Your Throat
Until now, at the age of 46, I believed that I was a straight cisgender woman. I’m not.
Why do you need to hear about it? Because it reveals a significant problem with our society.
Over 20 years ago, I escaped the cult that brainwashed me from early childhood with extremist conservative views and a bias toward hate and fear of “others.” I went out into the world confident that, since I’d shed this indoctrination, I knew exactly who I was and what I wanted. I was a woman, and all women desire sex and relationships with men. Except for the occasional lesbian, of course, but the vast majority of women want men, so odds are I’d be one of the majority. Right?
Wrong.
Oh, so very, very wrong. Not just because I’m about to tell you about the multiple layers of queer that I am, but because the basis for my assumptions was just factually incorrect.
My assumptions weren’t conscious thoughts at the time but rather a lens I didn’t know I had and therefore didn’t know to question. Looking back at my younger self with much greater wisdom, I can describe what was going on in my head.
I thought that I was this strong, intelligent person who already knew how to look within and recognize thoughts and desires that weren’t my own. I thought I would never again keep…
